There are times, that motherhood feels impossible. Not just motherhood, though I guess. All of it, the cooking, cleaning, and care-taking. All of that, at times, feels impossible.
Don’t get me wrong. There are some days I feel like I am killing it. The days the whole house is clean at the same time, and the laundry is folded AND put away, the dishes are done, the kid is napping, and the coffee in my cup is still hot. There are those days, they aren’t common, but they do happen.
But look, I want to be real here. There are some days where none of that happens. There are days, when I’m just tired, and all I want to do is watch TV. The thought of doing the dishes AGAIN makes me physically sick. There are days I want to be lazy.
There are also days, where I am so legitimately busy I do not think I can get everything done. Days where I need to go grocery shopping, and make a bunch of phone calls, manage the budget, and make something delicious and healthy for dinner.
It doesn’t matter which day it is, sometimes it all just feels impossible.
Impossible to get out of my slump.
Impossible to get everything done.
Impossible to spend time doing anything else than cooking and cleaning.
Going from working outside the home, to being a stay at home mom was an adjustment in ways I didn’t expect. When I was working, all I wanted to do was be home. I romanticized working on crafts, and keeping the house tidy, and going on fun little “field trips”.
They were things I somehow managed to do with a full time job, so once I was home I could all of that and then some. But I ran out of crafts, and I can only rearrange my cupboards so many times, and I don’t want to mess with our nap schedule to go out gallivanting all the time.
I feel guilty even talking about it being “hard”. I’m not ungrateful, I’m not bitter, and I promise I’m not disillusioned, I’m just learning. And learning is hard sometimes.
I found a book at the Blueberry festival like three years ago called “Love Out Loud“, by Joyce Meyer. I think I paid 50 cents for the little devotional. (It’s totally worth full price, I highly recommend it) I “dog-eared” a page on July 5th about Phil.4 :13 that resonated with me so much this year.
Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
At one point Joyce explains it like this…
“This verse means we can do ‘all things’ that are part of God’s will for us. If you are called to be a missionary in the jungle, you will be able to ‘do’ all things that are part of the rigors of jungle life. The same principle is true for any situation or calling.”
At the time I read this. Rusty was working night shift, and his shift was never less than 14 hours. I typically saw him about 45 minutes a day. I don’t like to spend a lot of time alone, and I especially don’t like that time alone to be at night. I was lonely, discouraged, and just didn’t feel like doing all this was possible.
Being a stay at home mom, is my calling and, Rusty working night shift was our situation. God had called, and allowed for these things, so He was going to strengthen us to do them.
When I was able to be still and listen to God, He showed me that it’s through His strength all things are possible. That is not about the laundry, dishes, or meals, it’s just about obeying God and trusting Him wherever we are.